World’s worst super power.

I’ve got the world’s worst super power. Something so powerful even I can’t control it. When it happens it takes control over my whole body. It dictates what I do. It stops me from doing other things. I’ve had it all my life. Its power over me is fading.

I like to sit at the back of the room in a corner listening and watching all the other people.

I’m not one to throw my hand in the air to ask a question or to answer something.

I’m not one that is very out there, even though I’m pushing myself on pretty much every single social media platform.

I am shy. Shyness is my super power. It’s crap.

I’ve often wondered what my life would be if I wasn’t so shy. Would I have joined that club back in high school? Would I have made friends with them? Would I have asked her out? All lost opportunities when I look back at them. I hate it. I hate shy me.

Let’s take for example this fictional (or is it real?) event that might have (or did it really happen?) happened if I was shy (which I am). Young Koen really likes someone. Instead of going up to her and talking to her, befriending her, he stays in his seat and tries to not think about her. Day after day he really wants to walk up to her and talk with her. But inside him is something stopping him. It’s like he is glued in his seat, unable to get up. On one of his last days living in this country before moving to the other side of the world, this girl comes up to him and tells him “I really liked you in school.” Alarm bells start going off in his head. Years later, with every sort of situation that is similar, this memory keeps jumping up in his mind. That is kinda what happens with me. Or might have happened.

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Christchurch Art Gallery

It’s not that it ruins my life. It’s just that with people I don’t know or situations that I get thrown into I just shut off.  But all it takes for me to switch on again is to get to know the people around me. Then I’m fine. Sometimes I just need that little bit of encouragement to get going. That little push.

I’ve had times where people come up to me afterwards and say to me “you are totally different once I got to know you.” I am. I’m not one to throw myself out there but if I get asked a question, I will answer it honestly and as best as I can. If you ask me to do something, I will do it as best as I can. I’m one of those people that work hard behind the scenes. The ones you kinda don’t notice are there.

There are two types of me. The shy one, and the open friendly one. Usually, I start off as the first one and quickly turn into the second one. Just wish I could always be the second one.

Just do it. Nike shouts.